I just feel like I’m losing the battle here. Not keeping up on my studies. Can’t sleep at night. Can’t wake up in the morning. Big test tomorrow and I wish I could understand the concepts better (I try to study all the time but just can’t break the English-Russian barrier I have with my teacher. His study guides are crap and I’m sick of the bad grammar and broken English with made up words. I can’t believe I PAID TUITION for this crap!)

I’m also feeling emotionally numb. It usually happens this time of year when there’s more darkness, and the air gets a little colder. I just don’t know how I feel internally. Good, Bad, Exited, Sad. I dunno. I just wake up and move.

Other thoughts constantly running through my head are that I need to find a better job. One that I enjoy. In fact, I’m feeling this more as a prompting. I’m thinking of something within the electronic design business, or the good old outdoors. It makes sense for me to pursue my dreams of being an engineer, but not like this (paying out of state tuition at a University with a crappy professor – no matter what kind of reputation ASU has, I’m better off taking chemistry at a community college, or studying it on my own). I’m almost sure EE catches my interest more than Rocket science, because knowing how electronics work means you know how just about everything we use today works, and knowing rocketry means you know how to send something into space – cool, but not everyday practical. On top of all this, going into extra debt makes me feel sick. Even if it’s for as good a cause as going back to school. I’ve lived here over a year, voted here, and paid taxes here. If ASU doesn’t consider me a resident next semester, I’m dropping out, and making plans for a different school.

Ugh. The worst part about the past few days has been my bad sleeping schedule.

But the best part, is last weekend I drove to the Dragoon Mountains in the Coronado Natl Park to meet Jo and Porter. We camped, climbed, and made dutch oven food. Good times! Click Here for the pictures.



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